Saturday, October 30, 2010

He Said What?

One thing that helps make up for all of the whining and fighting and stinky body fluids involved in parenting two boys is the fact that kids are just so darned funny. I think that’s by design—it keeps us from chucking them to the curb when they hit the teenage years. The best stuff comes when they’re trying to be dead serious or when their innocence and cluelessness run smack into their firm conviction that they know it all.

So, in the spirit of enjoying my boys as the goofballs they so frequently can be, here are my top-five (or at least five I can remember today) things my kids said or did that made me laugh.

#5. Yeah, Mom… you’re hilarious (looking)
The other night at dinner, my 13-year-old gave me this one: “Oh… you want your blog to be funny? It’s only supposed to be funny for, like, other 40-year-old moms, right? Yeah. Cause you’re nailin’ it.”
* Life lesson #4263 - Remember that Mom has a never-ending stash of  
       those pictures when you start popping off at the dinner table. And she blogs.

#4. What does a duck say?
Both of my kids had some enunciation issues early on. Austin had a little trouble with the “qu” sound, which he pronounced as “ff.” Why does it seem like every board game and book we had back then asked the oh-so-provocative question: “What does the duck say?” His response? “FFaaack! Fack, fack, fack, fack, fack…”

In a similar vein, Caden decided that his favorite song—right at the time he couldn’t pronounce his N’s—was “Play that Funky Music White Boy.” Oh, boy. He also switched his B’s and D’s, so we heard an awful lot about him playing with his “doll” and his “dike” for a while. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

#3. Douche!
When Austin was just learning to talk, he had a few multipurpose words that applied to more than one thing. The fun part was trying to decipher what he really meant. One of these oft-used words wassadly“douche.” Really. It meant both “shoes” and “juice.” I remember many, many trips to the mall that were punctuated by loud drawn-out cries of “Doooouuuuche! Dooooouuuche!” He’d keep up his Summer’s Eve chant until I could figure out if he was thirsty, had lost his baby Chuck Taylors, or just wasn’t feeling springtime fresh. “Dooooouuuuuche!”

#2. Bone stickers
Back when my oldest was about seven, the boys were watching one of those funny home video TV shows, and a clip came on showing a toddler with panty liners stuck all over his head. The audience was roaring with laughter, and Austin turned to us and said, “I don’t get it. What are those things?” His little brother looked at him and replied with the earnest conviction of a knows-everything three-year-old, “Those are bone stickers!” [Duh!] Austin looked at us quizzically and answered, “I still don’t get it.”

And finally, my number one favorite kid giggle…

#1. Hey, Dude!
Some of you have seen this before, but this may be my favorite kid-mispronunciation of all time. It’s Caden back in about 2004, earnestly singing that Beatles classic, Hey Dude. It still makes me smile every time I see it.

So, what do your kids say and do that makes you giggle? Please share! (Really... down there in the comments. It'll be fun for everybody!)


  1. My favorite comes from your brother, jason, oh so long ago. As we all sat down to dinner with your mother's famous pork chop, bean casserole, over the radio came a Cruex commercial. The radio voice asked "Do you suffer from jock-itch?" I turned up my nose. "Jock-itch?" I said with disgust. Then off to my right from little six-year-old Jason "Well, I like it Mom, pass the jock-itch." Since you were there I'm sure you remember your Mother sitting on the kitchen floor unable to breathe!

  2. Perfect addition! (LOL) I thought about that one, too, when I was writing these. Isn't it reassuring to know that some things never change? (Although I'm pretty sure Jason is less likely to ask anyone to pass the jock itch these days. Yum!)

  3. A great idea for a dinner party would be old family recipes. I can taste it now; German pancakes, potatoes Romanoff, pork chop-bean casserole and that ever-elusive chicken-licken! As Art Linkletter once famously wrote "Kids say the darndest things."

  4. Oh, how I wish that I had written down all of those little nuggets of joy that Katie would say. I do remember one time, I think she was 3 or 4, when she and I were on our way to daycare before work and i had to stop quickly because the guy in front of me forgot how to drive, and then from the backseat, without any prompting I hear "Move, damnit!". It was as if she were channeling her father at that moment. I laughed all the way to work. One of my other favorites, she has never beenable to pronounce the word 'static'. She frequently says something like "Mom my hair is all staggikey". I still smile.

  5. It's never too late to start writing them down! I used to jot them on the calendar when the boys were little, but I find myself wishing I'd kept a journal.


Add your thoughts to the mix!